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The people paid to ask questions
A little girl from Asian roots is on a “no-fly” list in the United States
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little girl from Asian roots is on a “no-fly” list in the United States. Six-year-old Alyssa Thomas, originally from India, was told she was listed as a suspected terrorist when she tried to check-in for a flight in the US city of Cleveland.
The US Homeland Security department was informed of her age but has declined to remove her name, I heard from reader KK Ram.
Homeland Security gets criticized a lot, but this decision is smart. Man, I’m telling you, six-year-olds on aircraft are dangerous. Making you spill boiling hot drinks on your lap several times per trip is
de rigueur. You’d be much safer sitting next to al-Qaeda guys, who at least limit damage to their own genitals.
Readers sent in a flood of travel tales after an item in this space about the unanswerable questions asked by immigration officers in the US, such as: “So, Mr. Chan, why is your name Chan?”
A New York immigration officer asked Minkha, a reader raised in Poland, how it was that she spoke English. Minkha replied: “Because I learned it at school.”
The officer responded: “Why do they teach English in Poland?” The correct answer is probably better left unsaid: “So we can have intelligent conversations with almost everyone, except of course no-hopers like you.”
A US immigration officer asked reader Jason Sydon why he did not have a degree in computer science if he used computers at work. Jason explained that he didn’t need one to use programs like Word and Excel. The officer became suspicious, declaring that he’d never heard of those programs. “Microsoft?” offered Jason. “Bill Gates?” The officer had never heard of them, either. How did a guy that dumb get into a position of feeding and clothing himself, let alone carrying loaded weapons in airports?
Kim Parfitt told me her husband accidentally ticked yes to the US visa questions asking whether he had ever been a communist, a Nazi and a drug dealer. “He’s a bit vague,” Kim said. Luckily, his secretary intercepted the form before it was sent to the embassy. I reckon he owes her his life.
Meanwhile, Otis Schindler asked what would happen if US immigration type questions asked by other people. Imagine the scene. Neighborhood baker: “Why did you buy 10 loaves of bread today but only eight yesterday?
“What kind of jam will you put on this bread?” Taxi driver: “How long have you two known each other? Is this destination her place or your place?” Travel agent: “Are you going to do terrorist acts on this trip? Are these really your children?” Google: “Why did you search for ‘Miley Cyrus’?” Arrival immigration officer: “Did you perform terrorist acts during your trip overseas?” Waiter: “Why did you order white wine with steak? Why do you know how to speak English?”
I often wonder what sort of conversations US immigration officers have with their spouses. Spouse: “Morning.” Officer: “Why do you think it is morning?” Spouse: “Because the sun’s rising.” Officer: “Why is it rising? Did you cause it to do so?” Spouse: “Possibly.” Officer: “What sort of response is that?” Spouse: “An adverb expressing conditionality.” That should puzzle him long enough for her to get out of the house.
The writer is a columnist and journalist.
